Half-Assed Yoganaut’s Recipe For Vegan Date Bars

  1. Open the refrigerator. Close. Open, close, open. Feel the rhythm? 
  2. Press play. Maybe jazz. Whatever, make it loud. Turn it up. Way up. 
  3. Mix equal parts of manifest, allow, breathe. 
  4. Refrigerator’s empty? Dig, look harder.
  5. Close eyes. Focus. 
  6. Align. Align with yourself. 
  7. Pre-heat oven. As hot as it’ll go. 
  8. Turn the dial.  
  9. Mix. 
  10. Find a fork, or spoon. Find a fist. Dig into it. Dig, dig, dig. 
  11. Dig man!
  12. Measure precisely, now. 
  13. Add 1 cup Surf The Wave. 
  14. It’s all in the wrist. Pour it in. 
  15. Are you breathing? Of course you are. But are you surfing?
  16. Add 13 cups manifest, 13 cups allow, 13 cups breathe. 
  17. Exhale wildly. Eyes closed, tongue out. This is Lion’s Breath. Hold the exhale. 
  18. Wait until there’s nothing left. 
  19. Repeat Step 5. 
  20. No unnecessary movements. 
  21. Shut eyes. Shut em.
  22. Open the oven door. 
  23. Eyes still closed.
  24. Embrace the inferno. 
  25. Surf man. Get up, get up, get up. 
  26. Feel the salt water tickling your toes. 
  27. Arms out! Balance. 
  28. Yeahhhh.