7:07pm. bedtime. backyard bonfire withers. pumpkin flames. orange tongues slice and slither. the ape’s tv. brain waves halt. theta.

3:03am. wet sheet orbits baby. diaper pee. mama says shhh. mama buttons new dipe. i button new onesie. i fall asleep to the sound of baby breastmilk swallowing.

5:25am. coffee plus wuuuuup wuuuuup. organic cream leftover from the triptophan weekend. ingredients: organic milk and organic cream. sensitive stomach. cow cream cuts bitter black.

5:40am. dog bites leash. give him stick. awake alone. lucid dreaming?

5:45am. dog shits no bag. ocean swallowed his leash bag. i stare at starry night. reflecting myself. the day ahead feels like a backpack full of stones. heavy to-do list.

5:59am. flip open the apple typewriter. what do i write that could possibly add value to your life?

6:10am. to do list. teach yoga at 7. watch Yoga With Adriene for new moves. teach english at 11. sell t-shirts at 4pm. go over stick n poke tattoo. write poetry abstract about dead white poets for grad class.

6:12am. to do list 2.0: let the fuck go. wake the fuck up. everything else is ommmmm. flip the perspective switch. ommmmmm is the surf and surfer. comes in. goes out. maybe the surfer gets up, rides. then surfer slides off. wave leaves. paddle back against current. arms burn.

p.s. i’ve lost track of the days. lost faith in textbook syllabus for my english 101 students. all i can think about is. existential. how to save a life. surf. align. balance. awaken. the rest is a surface level societal game.

#altdad #amwriting #diary #todolist #time #winter #yoga

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