Ellie takes naps at 9:30am and 1:30pm. Most days Kate lays in bed with her for 9:30am. Switches her from right breast to left. Left back to right. At 1:30, the baby sleeps on my chest. I rock back and forth in an orange rocking chair next to Kate’s computer. The screen is paused. Game of Thrones. Long-haired men wearing boxy fur coats. Discussing winter and betrayal. I’ve never watched it. The screen used to be paused on Grey's Anatomy. But then Kate got the HBO password from her sister’s friend. The rest is history.

The public diary is inevitably performative. At least partially. Rarrrr.

Bailey is the manager of Blackbird Coffee and she is getting married today. I need to put my khaki colored Levi's Commuter pants in the wash because I wear them everyday and they’re the only nice pants I have that I like. Nice pants to me is anything other than Adidas Tiro 15 Training Pants.

My aunt who lives in Texas told me not to spam her with The Alt Dad Diary. I wrote back and said yeah no problem, I totally get it, I hate spam as much as the next guy. But really I wanted to say how rude like Stephanie said how rude in Full House. Actually that’s a lie and I’m not sure her name is Stephanie. Really I wanted to blast her an email with an indecent amount of what the fucks and a diatribe about how she’s bleeding humanity of it’s decency and she’s the reason I see a therapist and talk about how it gives me anxiety to see extended family hold the baby, because some of my extended family has these icy villain hands with fingernails like chipping lead paint.

The dog lost the hair around his eye from mites but it’s growing back now because everyday I squirt this clear liquid medicine into his mouth and then give him a treat to wash it down. At first I didn’t give him a treat but then Kate said give him a treat the vet said the medicine tastes foul. So when Kate’s looking I give him a treat.

When people walk in late to yoga I look at them and mouth good morning but really I want to say what the hell are you doing coming late to a yoga class, get it together.

There’s this person who has been mean to Kate and mean to other people and I’ve heard about it for the last two years and while I never interact with this person and while I’ve heard this Mean Person has gotten better, there is the occasional opportunity for a word here or there and when those opportunities peek their heads out of the sand I’d like to really give this Mean Person a piece of my mind, pull the rug of niceties out from underneath them but Kate says I can’t do that because a) it’s not my battle and b) that would only make things worse and c) I shouldn’t judge people based on anything other than direct experience and if Mean Person hasn’t been mean to me than I should treat them like a Nice Person. I acquiesce less because I agree and more because I know what's good for me.