ah one. ah two. ah one two three four
yestahday moaning my sister brought over a plate of chocolate-chocolate chunk cookies and I was like woo hoo I’ll take one. mostly gaaaaa gimme the goodies because 2018 will be the year of no sugar. no chocolate chips, no cookies, no taffy, no whipped cream, no fudge. why? because kate said so and because no fucking heart disease, no chub.
i notice I’m swearing a lot more lately. jesus i apologize. must be the sugar.
i keep seeing these fucking people on Facebook with their fucking banner photos of sunsets and wind-washed fields of wheat and profile pictures cross-armed chilling in front of epic stretches of urban graffiti and i’m like what the fuck are you really that happy or artistic, come on…
i mean i remember when I was on okcupid before I met Kate and all the girls were manic pixie dream girls sporting hummingbird thigh tattoos while thumbing through kurt vonnegut. i remember being intimidated but now I’m like its not possible for all of you to be so rad. aren’t we all just slow life scrolling thru wishing wanting waiting?
love a rant. fucking love. 2018 i’m finger face off pulling more skin, more mask. people say the more you learn, the more you realize how little you know. same with the diary. the more i tell, more i realize how much im hiding.
i spent the morning googling how to make it on instagram and this lady was like photo quality, photo quality. she was like download this app and soften the edges, up brightness, down saturation. ahhhhhhh what the fuck what are we striving for? take your photos in black-and-white, forget hd color. show me the shit in your teeth, i don’t want to see your bronze butt body brazilian i want to see your ingrown pubic hair and then ill feel comfortable describing this splotch skin mark next to my wooohoo on my inner groin thats been there for a while and i need checked out, but it doesn’t itch or anything.
in baby news, ellieroo’s 318 days old and i’m 11,402 days old and if you’d like to know how many days old you are than go here and try http://jalu.ch/coding/days/en
i try to keep the dairy mostly cuss free for mass appeal reasons but really it wouldn’t be me without a fuck or seven.
lastly i think I’m lactose intolerant because when i put the organic cream left over from thanksgiving mashed potatoes in my coffee i get really wicked ripe flatuations that set the bed on fire.
#altdad #diary #realtalk #fatherhood #anxiety #journal #lactose #swearing #filter #instagram #nofilter #fuck #okcupid #truelies #altdaddiary
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