what i’m talking about when i talk about semi-sobriety.

 

a few weeks ago facebook says Metropolis has $3 drafts during the georgia/auburn game. hmmm i think.

and $2 speciality beer. omg two dollars seriously….SPECIALITY BEER?

so i google killer penguin barleywine. scroll scroll scroll. 10% ABV.

kate’s with the baby in Atlanta. so i have afternoon alone. Why not why not why not? i think.

 

my feet on kitchen table. cat dog asleep on the bed. nose to tail.

my eyes left right, back forth. beer no beer. beer no beer.

semi-sober status check. beer no beer?

 

I flip open my laptop. type type type.

fast forward move myself to kitchen floor

yoga teacher on my computer (not Adriene) says inhale pause observe.

the soundless mind noise slows.

why do i want want want beer?

the answer to that question? neurosynaptic fog.

hold the pause on the inhale longer.

still longer.

the pause pulls the cord on the fog machine.

stage spotlight mic to mouth: words tumble.

because I very much enjoy the inebriated push pull fluid mind tongue warmth.

 

an addict lives inside of me.

an arsonist Bic light flicking fire at edges of reality.

because reality is boring.

mushrooms, LSD, DMT, ganja.

language. pleasure. dopamine. serotonin.

a trip means you get out of your own head. high.

disassociation from self. drunk.

does honesty absolve addiction?

 

after the online yoga video ends,

my mind circus still fog flooded,

i stand up, boil water for tea, and practice hurdlers pose while i’m waiting.

 

this is what i’m talking about when i talk about semi-sobriety.

 

#altdad #diary #semisober #alcoholic #addiction #yoga #realtalk #altdaddiary

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