Morning of contrition. Black coffee and burnt toast. Late post. 

Evening epiphany. Negative noise inside my head. Can’t even see the right and wrong of the word spew. Evening epiphany. The negative inside my head is loudest. Kate says I need to farm positive counter speech. She’s not wrong. 

Now mom at 90 min spin class. Zoe taught me crotchet. Nana babbled baby. 

Milk. Diaper. Dog drool. Bedsheets. Nap. More black coffee. 

Last night. Bomb burst. Black behavior. Grease fire. Sorry I’m mania inside. Said loud what should not be said loud. 

Kate says to talk to the negative voice. A game of chess. 

Yesterday the high temperature was -11. Cold air. Cracked fingers. Aching hips. 

Pancetta mac and cheese later. Homemade. Cheese, milk, butter, bacon. Long time since make a rue. Patience. Wait to thicken. 

Baby sleeping. Shoulder warm. 

What they say is true. We are our own worst enemy. 

Farm positive. Farm positive. Farm positive.