My dreadlocks will be piled on the floor. Tomorrow. In a heap. I can't possibly cut my dreadlocks. So rasta, so long. I mean.Mouse tells me to stop. She can’t take it anymore. It's like the Matrix when Morpheus scolds Neo. Stop trying to hit me and hit me. Stop talking about cutting. And cut.

I don’t smoke weed. The smoke irritates my lungs. And running is a major mode of my transportation. So inhaling’s a no-go. With nipple-length dreads, i’m another reason why you shouldn’t judge a book by the cover. Guys at the Dollar General always ask me for bud. One guy called it gas. I didn’t know what he meant. Looks can be deceiving, see?

For me, the pot leaf is protest art. And I don’t need to be a pothead to appreciate this. Smoking marijuana should be a civil right. We have a fundamental right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Except when these rights diminish someone else’s inalienable rights. What harm does a little 420 do? What’s the injury in toking a doozie? Hanging with Mary Jane? Slinking a cheeb? Rolling a blunt? Going with ganja?

Camo clothing has never hung in my closet. I’d like to change that. A nice clear pot leaf on the back of a zip up camo hoodie. Something cheeky written on the front. Like GROW or REVOLT. Anything really. As a form of art. Like I said, I don’t smoke weed. But in the land of the free and the home of the brave, we can’t put a plant leaf on the back of a hoodie? Without it somehow attracting the ire of Big Brother?

Thou shalt not, thou shalt not, thou shalt not. Pot leafs do not go on t-shirts. Make American Great Again is not about endorsing herbal relaxation, clarity of mind, or plant medicine. At least not at the federal level. These are not American values. Yet.

Playing hide and seek with local law enforcement isn’t worth it. They win every time. They wield the instruments of state violence. Cock a glock. And bam. Jail time. Bam. Probation. Bam. No more daddy and EllieRoo. According to some political theorists, this is the definition of government. The mob head. The guy with the most guns.

If Fast and Furious 8 is on point, which I think it is, then nearly all first-world governments are surveillance states, operating some version of what the film dubs ‘God’s Eye.’ What difference does it make if I wear a T-shirt with a pot leaf? Is it really attracting attention when they already know everything?

I told a guy at the coffeeshop about my hoodie idea. Asked him what he thought. Said he’s a fly-under-the-radar kind of guy. Nowadays there is no under-the-radar. And if free speech is to mean anything, if it’s to last as any substantive pillar of our democratic house of cards, than we can’t be bullied by fear of search and seizure on account of a hoodie.

If you’d like to increase your camo garb, please message. Pre-orders began today. Hand delivered them to the House and Senate. Dropped the leftovers at the PD. Told them to the coupon code: godseye.