THE HIDDEN DANGERS OF ALMOND MILK, TEETHING, AND TIME APART FROM YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER

Baby and Kate’s first day back.

After dinner, baby biting nipples. Baby pulling socks off. Baby eyeing electrical outlet. Kate says baby you crazy. I say yeah what’s up with the baby?

The erratic behavior comes in spurts. Buffeted by shrieking. Which is deviant because she never shrieks unless a) diaper, b) tired, c) hungry, d) hurt, or e) too much tummy time. None apply. It’s got to be teething pain, Kate says. She feels two pincers pushing their way through.

I need to be a better PM father. With mom and baby gone, my sleep schedule was hermit writer. Wake at 3:30am. Sleep at 7:05PM. Last night during baby’s untranslatable OMG-MY-MOUTH shrieking, I was spent. Horizontal in bed, trying to distract the baby by thumb flipping the pages of the Kurt Vonnegut book on the night stand—not even momentarily effective. I need to reserve more spunk for the 7PM to 8PM bedtime push. No more pre-5am wake-ups.

In the hot spot of the baby-gone // baby-back transition, I can see the cost of fatherhood really clearly. My ME time gets parceled into chunks when no one else is awake. And even get limited. Which is fine. EllieRoo is putting the brakes on a writing mania that if left unaffected would race rapidly towards madness. I obsess like that. So the balance is nice. And it forces focus. Which is an Achille’s heal of almost every quote writer.

Other news on the baby front: she’s been shitting solid turds for the past 7 days. Kate’s worried. Haven’t Googled it yet. Also, EllieRoo’s tongue has swelled the last two times she’s orally contacted an apple. Googled it, and the www said allergy.

When a married couple spends two weeks apart, and then they come back together, the Hollywood scene is chemical romance. That’s the hype. Hallmark cards that read Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder. But based on yesterday’s stop-and-go morning, I think individual habits and inclinations and physical energies need an “adjustment period” to sync up. I said things I didn’t mean. She said things she didn’t mean. And you try and self-therapist assess the situation, and there’s no real reason. Maybe absence, like I said, means we repressed conflicts that we would have communicated through if we were face to face, and the reunion is a kind of dumping ground for two weeks of toxic accumulation. That’s one theory. I’m not sure though. Many times conflict occurs, I think about why and I can’t pinpoint a reason. Consulting an astrology table seems like a plausible means of producing an explanation.

One last thing. My sister in Fargo told me about her best friend’s sister-in-law—Molly Yeh. Heard of her? This DIY baking blog, cooking show chick. Said she’s super famous—just got a syndicated cooking show, massive Instagram following, wildly popular cookbook, yada yada. Fargo sister see’s her succeeding and was like Ry you should hit her up, ask some questions. Which is a great idea. And I’ve been following this digital advertising guru named Gary Vaynerchuck. And he warns that the random email or tweet or dm that’s reaching out to a celebrity or pseudo celebrity is a well-intentioned act, but very poorly calculated. He’s concluded this from his own experiences and success ratios. Here’s one of his high-success strategies: after identifying who he wants to connect with (always someone who he doesn’t know at all), instead of the cold-call text, he waits. He snoops around this person’s social media, gathering information, learning about what they like, etc. Months go by. Just hunting for information, listening. And then one day the person tweets about how they OMG luv the MN Vikings, for example. And Gary, by coincidence, happens to have season tickets. So he prints off two tickets for some upcoming game, puts them in an envelope and mails them to target person. Target receives the goods and is like OMG wow how awesome, tweets Gary and says hey that’s so kind. BAM! Now you have the potential for a real conversation. I think this strategy is smart. It’s about giving, instead of asking. Which is counterintuitive, but not that counterintuitive.

Alt Dad Diary is teething too. I keep thinking the website, the FB, the Instagram need a makeover. New FB cover video. New Patreon video. Single filter on Insta. The theme/central image/vibe needs to be tighter, more cohesive. Previous profile image changes satisfy for three days, tops. And then I’m second guessing. Is this the path of growth, or merely insecurity?

P.S. I’m trying to limit my food and beverage intake to whole foods. Things that walked on the ground or grew from it. Cut out lab synthetics and words that can’t be pronounced. Aldi’s unsweetened almond milk needs to be Googled. What is all that shit on the label? Sunflower lecithin….

>>>>Okey doke. Thanks for being here and for reading. Could you split with $1 every month? Send it to the artists who you share morning coffee with? If so, my support platform is patreon.com/altdaddiary. Okey doke. See you tomorrow. 😎

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