I just pressed my hands together like prayer. Bowed my forehead into my fingertips. My elbows rest on my desk. Closed my eyes. I’ve got to make everything more focused, more concentrated attention, more simple. I’ve got to let some stuff go. 

The Alt Dad Diary needs a blood transfusion, or the literary equivalent. I’m going to keep the focus on unfiltered brain biopsy but shift the structure and delivery. Every morning at 6.30am means readers get an expected product at an expected time. But I need more spontaneity, more freedom of movement. Maybe two posts in one day. Maybe it’s a big day. Maybe it’s not. I’m going to try to write closer to the moment. Maybe morning is a bias. Maybe I’m better, faster, stronger at other times. 

I’m sipping water. I’m going to the gym early to do as many push-ups and pull-ups and pistol squats as e 7am sunrise yoga class. Today is Time-Restricted-Eating Day 2. I’m limiting caloric intake to a 9-hour window. Check out my personal Facebook for a LIVE audio update. I feel a lion of focus awakening in my forehead. 

I’m writing a think piece about the biblical story of Jacob. When he wrestles with the angel. Some translators call the angel a shadow. Some call it a stranger. Jacob refers to his opponent as God. When Jacob asks the stranger for his name, he’s met with silence. Since the bout takes place a night, Jacob never sees his face. I wonder if the angel was a metaphor for Jacob wrestling with himself? 

I feel Jacob. Choose simplicity, Ryan. Make it simple. Tell your mind it’s simple. Tell your mind it’s beautiful. Tell your mind you’re powerful. If it doesn’t work, close your eyes. Focus. Put palms together. Bow forehead to finger tips. Focus. Hear your insides hurl breath in and out. You have a fucking ocean inside your chest. 


>>>MY GOALS: Put out daily fMRI brain biopsy content. Do you dig? If so, take a minute and check out What if you took the beer and sweet potato fries money this month and made The Alt Dad Diary your Happy Hour date this month by pledging $10? 

Like my grandpa said, god bless, which in non-religious terms means focus focus focus. 

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