OK so here goes. I’m doing stuff. I’m rar rar rar forward. Getting off my knees and planting my feet and. I’m also not doing stuff. Like I’m halfway through this University of St. Thomas job application for a proofreader, editor, marketer. Which is like blah kill me but need a job man. And Kate’s like Ry you never proofread, you’re always rar rar rar forward. Which is true. 

My good shit is going good. We got this whiteboard in the kitchen. My friend Bradley said whiteboards are essential. He’s right as rain like last night’s hail. Kate and I wrote down 100 names for the charter school we want to open. Except in the beginning it’s not gonna be a charter school. The momentum will build. And then the playgroup will grow grow grow and then a school. For Ellie. For us. Not really a real school. Wild school sort of school. An earth school. So we’re doing that. We’re also cleaning the house. Getting rid of shit. Why own CDs? Everything is on Spotify. We’re looking to drive to New York. We’re looking to drive to Virginia. To visit family. We’re moving back to Minnesota. But also moving forward. 

I’m walking to school now. And it’s sunny and 70°. I need to swim today. Feel that chlorine. Feel that water around me. Fight it. Press my fingers forward. 

Fasting is very difficult. It’s not going to easier. 

A few months ago my friend a psychologist said Ryan Ryan Ryan instead of just ranting, use paragraphs because paragraphs and space and pause make it easier on the reader, but fuck the fucking reader. I think it’s an important attitude for the writer to cultivate. But also listening to the reader. Half and half. Mmmmm half and half and coffee and mmmmmmmmm. 

Last night before bed I whispered to Kate that I’m going to be more positive. This is me to be more positive LOL. I meditated last night. And I meditated this morning. I’m going to be a more positive person. I’m going to think before I speak just like I told my mom when I was a kid. If she was still alive she’d be fucking proud. Proud Mom bumpersticker. 

I have lotta anger. I’m trying to be positive. Feels good to be eating. Till six. 

I’m going to start a TV show. On Facebook. You only get one shot at this moment, right? That’s the beauty of improv. That’s the beauty of  spontaneity and LIVE! 

Next Thursday at 6 PM I’m going to stop eating for two days. No food or drink on Friday or Saturday, until brunch on Sunday. Not because Jesus died and rose again but because it’s so good for you and it’s hard real hard.

I will be writing a book soon. Maybe called Bipolar Apes, even though that’s stealing a title from one of Joe Rogan’s guests. Maybe called LET GO & Other Shit Yogis Say. Tell me if you want to read it or if you want to be a beta reader. I’ll send it to you. It’s not that long. 50,000 words. Standard. I’m also going to be releasing an ALT DAD SPECIAL. Where I talk about the things I haven’t had the courage to talk about on the diary. The real shit. I thought this up in the shower last night. How I keep putting off putting off putting off putting off happiness and Ram Dass is like BE HERE NOW, but what does that mean. Well I think I have an idea and I’m going to write about it and flesh it out, flush it out.