I have nothing to say today.

I mean yeah I could think about my headspace now (I want to stretch) or what happened yesterday Wednesday March 7 (me and Ellie played in the grass in the sunbeaten front yard), but the point is writing an everyday diary is difficult becomes some days bottom out, while others flow fast like frictionless diarrhea, If the diary were once-a-week entry, then I could have a crisp thought and develop its form, Thai Massage its legs, polish its nose. Once-a-week, even sad-face days can be finessed.

But daily dairy is like someone waking you up at 3am, shining a flashlight in your what-the-hell-is-happening eyes and AHHH lighting up your bed-hed hair and smushed face, and then taking an unfiltered photo and posting on Facebook. Every day means there’s very little time for revision, which means there’s very little time for falsification. It is what it is.

If you asked me last night, while paging through Ram Dass’s Be Here Now book, while chewing on his question: “Can you undertake sadhana without defaulting in your social responsibilities”—if you asked me then, I still would write: I have nothing to say. I feel like we evolved from bivalve mollusks— clams, scallops, mussels, and oysters—with the adductor muscle as our sole early movement possibility. We are either open or closed. Me too. I feel that. ON or OFF

This is the problem, says Ram Dass (the Enlightenment Wiz Kid From The West Who Studied In The East And Then Returned). He says humans are faced with the ever-present need to evolve past the plane of consciousness ruled by the rational mind, which is the plane of polarities—like good and evil, left and right, old and young, us and them, man and woman. Maybe I comprehend but don’t absorb this because I’m stuck in the plane of polarities. Maybe I’m not sufficiently “HERE” or “NOW.” Maybe I’m too much in my own head.

Ah now I feel like I’m here. Sitting at 5:41am, not sipping the coconut oil, almond milk coffee in front of me, leaning back with a neon yellow Carhartt stocking hat and a fake-down Uniqlo jacket and Adidas Tiro 15 training pants size Medium and James Frey’s A Million Little Pieces on my desk, and my phone and my detachable sun glasses and the tissue-size cloth that comes with glasses from Zenni Optical to clean lenses and CD’s from wedding photos three years ago that I need to upload to a hard drive and then to the Cloud and my MFA thesis which I need to revise and defend on the grounds that revision is largely falsification ….

You do have something to say….

Maybe but I don’t want to say anything. Some days I want to be quiet. Some days I want to read what YOU have to say. Some days I want to devour your brains, like tribes in the Amazon eat the brains of monkeys right from the skull, slurping and smiling like a bowl of chicken noodle soup.

Do you ever notice that Joe Rogan never posts any pics on Instagram of his wife or daughters? Just his dog. Or him in the gym or with his podcast guests or shooting his bow and arrow? I’m not saying anything about what this says, I’m just saying I’ve wondered about this.

Did you know that 60% of people in the US want to fully legalize marijuana? Did you know that 80% of people want to raise the minimum wage? But Congress doesn't do what the majority of people want. I understand about checks and balances and blah blah blah.

Did you know that the minimum wage in the US today is $7.25 and if you adjust for inflation that’s $3 lower than the minimum wage in 1968? I’m not buying the argument that low minimum wage is part of pure capitalism. Not from a country that gave BONUSES to bank execs when their banks FAILED and these BONUSES came from TAX PAYER money. Congress said the bank big boys are so talented that in order to retain their talent they need compensation, and not to mention, they said, it’s in their contracts. Well, damn their contracts and nevermind their talent. How much talent does it take to run a bank into the mud? I’m not disputing bailing out the banks. Whether we needed that or not, whether they were "too big too fail," I don’t know. But I’m saying the system is rigged when corporate big wigs ruin companies and get handsome Cancun 6 or 7 figure comp packages from taxpayer money, and yet student loan debt is unforgivable.

The rich get richer. And the poor get poorer.

Maybe I listened to too much Democracy Now! yesterday morning and am feeling sour about Donald Trump appointing Dow Chemical insider to run the Environmental Protection Agency office that oversees emergency response to hazardous spills and cleanups of the nation's most toxic sites. I mean that’s just one thing. In the hour Democracy Now show, there’s like 40 things.

I have nothing to say.


>>>LOVE NOTE. If you read this far down, well woah wow wee. Let’s celebrate and share this sizzling cerebral cortex x-ray by SHARING with your like-minded friends and family and sisters and co-worker with the weird hair cut and boss/mentor who is a little on edge these days because they’re unsure about their station in life and even with your kids who are scrambling in the mud and dialing their brains into VR simulation one Snap at a time. SHARE SHARE SHARE. God day and god bless and I’ll see you tomorrow morning. Also, a very happy and swimming submerged 60th birthday to my barely redheaded father.


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