hope = goat's milk in black coffee

Somebody gimme a damnnnn job. 


Said somebody on Facebook. I’m not even friends with this girl. Like I’m FB friends. But I’ve never met her. Saw her art hanging in the coffeeshop. Dope stuff. Hit Add Friend. 


Lol. I hear you, girl.


Driving down the street to the yoga studio before a thai massage. It’s hot as hell. 90-something. Too hot for thoughts to remain singular. They all melt together like chocolates in a box.


I’ve applied to soooo many jobs and have heard from nooooo jobs and thinking in the car at the red light, I don’t really want any of them. I think the universe knows this and it’s therefore doing me a favor. Like yeah “pls pls pls somebody gimme a damn job.” Substitute teaching or real teaching. High school or college. Adult learners or whatever. English or whatever. 


But at the same time, honestly, I don’t want any of the jobs that are out there, except to make obligatory payments on student loans and what not. 


I’m researching plantar fascia and melatonin efficacy or if it’s just placebo (its just placebo) and watching Curtis Stone on Youtube talk to me about high value micro greens and how you can convert and urban plot into a high yielding garden and I’m researching researching researching and I’m so damn fascinated. So it’s not the case that millennials like me are unmotivated or slugs without interest, we have interest and motivation. In fact that’s the face of the problem. We don’t want to work these deadface jobs where you soul sell soul sell soul sell bullshit bullshit bullshit. 


Every job description and application is the same. All I see is bullshit bullshit bullshit. 


The collapse in 2008, Trump now, it’s all agh. I’m not getting into a soapbox about the state of affairs. But I do want to make the existential point that I think maybe the universe fabric is smart nano-fiber and its like nah Ryan we’re saving you for something beyond bullshit, so kick it into DIY gear and make something happen because no one is going to do it for you. 




Tomorrow’s run is a track workout. 10x400 around a track. At 5k pace. Which is 1:15 for me. 


The baby is playing on the floor with the tool box. Which means the hammer and the pliers and the bike pump and the level and the hex set and the wrenches. I use the wrenches to scrape the fascia along my foot and calves and thighs like the anti-itis Youtube video said. 


Scrape the fascia. 


I’m looking for the best comprehensive multi-modal alternative medicine book. Also holistic nutrition science. Also want to join a MN running club. And apprentice and herbalist and horticulturalist. Specifically hemp. Also mushrooms. Any kind.