8ml droplet of insanity

Guinness pancakes with fried eggs and reishi mushroom coffee. For breakfast. 

 

Kate was up last night with liquid bowels. Which meant the baby was roaring because she’s used to Kate on demand. I googled instant relief diarrhea. Rubbed peppermint essential oil on her belly. Then drank warm water with apple cider vinegar. This morning took activated charcoal. Said it’s better. 

 

I’m leaning leaning leaning toward a new career in plant medicine. It seems smart. We have this human skin and this skeleton of bones and we might as well learn how to heal ourselves. Or before that: a good bout of Traditional Chinese Medicine to learn WHAT THE BODY IS. 

 

They have egg boxes for moving at Food Depot. I feel tired. 5k race tomorrow. Moving to Minnesota in 3 days. 

 

I don’t like saying goodbye. I prefer see you later or I’ll be in touch. The finality scares me. This is what I messaged the owner of the yoga studio. Said I’d leave the key under a bush. 

 

You can imagine. An entirely unearthly perspective. Wrinkling their noses at the earth’s abject poverty. How 6 people hold 96% of the wealth. Or whatever it is. Work is a virtue. So is hard fuck harvest harvest harvest heave heave heave hard work. But the qi gong Taoists are right: everything in balance. Yin and yang. Mimicking nature. Summer heat. Winter cool. My question. Or statement. The US post-industrial capital paradigm isn’t balanced. So why should I feel tethered by it? I’m not being clear. I’m being defensive about not having a job. Even though I went to college, and then law school, and then graduate school. It would appear that I could get a job. I have that capability. But I’m choosing unemployment. 

 

Which is true. I’m making a choice not to work for XYZ Corp. Just like I made a choice to go to the University of Wyoming College of Law from 2009-2012. 

 

My mentor told me about a book called THE DANGLING MAN. The guy on YouTube named Robert Peng talks about lightness in movement. I feel like I’m surfing wind gusts of interest. The wind is never blowing consistently. Waxes and wanes, you know? Gets interrupted. Burned by the sun. Massaged by the moon. 

 

The baby just woke up from her morning nap. Even though it’s afternoon. The kitchen has yet to be packed. By far the most used room in the house. 

 

Anybody use kratom for pain? Anybody practice qi gong regularly? 

 

Here’s where I feel the truth of things poking through. 

 

I run these rolling trails through humid gnat woods. I wear barefoot shoes which inflame my plantar fascia. My bad. My mistake, I learn. I wear this watch to track miles. Pride, ambition, mind mind mind. Running in the woods, you get very deep in the fabric of JUST BEING. Of course I’m still radiating with the wifi electro-magnetic frequency so I can’t sense anything fully, it’s all ADD bits and pieces, but still I can sense that something otherworldly come is immersing me, swallowing me, pulling me in like the signs at the ocean say: WARNING: RIPTIDE. 

 

I think this current runs very much contrary to THE CURRENT CAPITALIST SYSTEM. 

 

Kate says I talk so much. We wake up and sit in our green lawn chairs in the kitchen and put our fork into our runny egg yolk tops and I talk talk talk about nutrition and health and spirituality like I have Aspergers. Kate says it’s not Aspergers. And I say it’s a spectrum and we go round and round about the prices of weddings and the cost of living in society and whether we can find land in Canada. 

 

I’m insane. 

 

I order and return on Amazon. 

 

You can’t take the money with you you fucking fool. 

 

Ry every time you swear you lose a reader. 

 

There are no readers Ry. 

 

There are just people. 

 

The people are like Ellie. They’re just crawling up on the shelf. Looking to turn off the wifi. 

 

Or everything everyone all the things are a projection. 

 

I didn’t gratitude journal. 

 

Research says regular journaling is detrimental because it’s rumination and reinforcing old thought patterns and really what you need to do is gratitude journals. 

 

I’m grateful for Ellie’s smile and even Kate’s diarrhea because I got to show love to someone and make tea at 10:27 pm even thought that’s when we’re supposed to be sleeping and I’m grateful for the last can of Guinness that nobody wanted to drink for the last 9 months since Kevin came and we had it for him, because it made the best pancakes and I’m grateful for our uncle Mike in Pallatine, IL and his alien head interests swimming through ether like mine, and I’m grateful for the lakes in MN and the soon swimming with my old man and I’m grateful for pains in my left foot too because like Steven Tyler says on the Joe Rogan podcast, you gotta love the hell too.