Como loco

How do you know what you’re supposed to do? Where you’re supposed to be? If it’s the right decision?

You just know. It’s that loud.

At least it was for me. It’s rarely this loud but this morning at the trial day of my exciting new mushroom internship, the feeling of yeah I dig this and I dig y’all but somethings not quite 100% right was YELLING. I was emptying bags of spent substrate into a compost and then saving the plastic to be recycled. Looking at the clock. I even got to listen to a Joe Rogan podcast. But still I was like fuck I gotta gotta gotta go. My played soccer last night and ran this morning legs were like ah dude sit the fuck down. And my mind was like ry dude ry dude.

Dude what? I don’t know. It’s the feeling you know? I can spend hours researching nutrition and fasting and exercise performance strategies and I can write write write with my feet up on the coffee table until the blood stops coursing to my toes.

You just know. At 1pm, after harvesting the three coolers of Oyster mushrooms, boss man and assistant bossman said time for lunch and I was like okay gentlemen this was amazing but I gotta jet. I said I’d love to do social media for y’all, like write and interview and take video and photo and massage it, but I’m not jumping out of my skin to just work, you know? I said I’m stoked to meet you and that was much of the point and I’d like to keep in touch but I gotta go.

It’s interesting because the Joe Rogan podcast with hunter Donnie Vincent flipped around the idea that when we do hard shit like hike into the woods and hunt and then haul the hunted animal out on our backs, we learn something about ourselves. Not because of the hunt, but because something very difficult and strenuous and out of the ordinary was done. I think the same about this mornings trial mushroom experience.

I’m not bitter or mad, nor do I feel like “it didn’t work out.” I feel like it was exactly where I was supposed to be. Full of lessons. You get it? I want to make the analogy to a first date that doesn’t progress to a second date, but I don’t want to make the analogy because typically people describe that dating situation as “not working out.” But that’s narrow minded. It is working out. Even by not working out. The binary is so troublesome. It’s bigger than the binary.

Goddamn it was so loud it was singing. Not yelling. That I wasn’t precise word choice.

I’m going to support these mushroom growing guys. What a crew. What an organized set up. How cool that it’s local. And providing nearby restaurants and coops with mushrooms. I’m going to find some way to shine a light on them and give them some good energy. It’s such a cool thing to grow mushrooms and hook up coolers and co2 exchange equipment and wear masks so you don’t breathe in spores and use pallet jacks and bobcats and forklifts. It’s an amazing application of mycological knowledge.

I want to read up on fungi.

I don’t know what’s come over me, but this period of pause after the mayhem of moving is best characterized as GRATITUDE. Like woah the fabric of the universe will figure it out and I’m just riding the wave and the wave will hold me up, if not this one, then the next one, and if not that one, then the buoyant salty ocean itself and if not the ocean than the sandy floor. I don’t know what’s come over me. Maybe negative energy imploded into positivity. Is that possible, as a mater of physics?

I hate cheesy Instagram and FB posts about life generally speaking and the intelligence of the universe and the wave of karma and yada yada but maybe it’s true....Kate said it is. She’s like wow Ry you’re being social lately, and I was like yeah because I want to be connected and have friends, like a new chapter. And she was like, yeah people can probably sense that. Maybe the whole universe can sense things about us.

Have a happy Wednesday. It’s 2:09 here and just stopped raining and I’m listening to El Gran Combo.