no water breaks

Back home. Ran this morning. Georgia is getting hot. 90s the rest of the week. Mmm no thanks. 

I ran 5.2 miles. Kate ran 9.2 miles.

I’m drinking filtered water with a splash of apple cider vinegar and another blup blup of balsamic vinegar. The combo really revs the engine. More than coffee. Sipping coffee placates that addict gimme gimme gimme, but you can feel the energy is more twitchy and less even. I brewed bone broth and reishi mushrooms in the coffee this morning too. 

This is all over the place. I have a long to do list today. First thai massage in a while. Family family family. That should be the Kendrick Lamar’s new hit. My sister-in-law got engaged last night. It’s nice, I think. To have these blips of celebration amidst the marathon of life. It’s like taking water breaks during the marathon. Smiley faces trick your body into faster performance.  

Online shopping for running shoes is decisional impossibility. There’s so fucking many how do you choose. The last time I crossed the buy running shoe bridge Kate and I were running around the South High School track in south Minneapolis, and voila bam! I found a rain-drenched pair of women’s Nike Frees under the track. They were beat to pulp and that satisfied my thirst for low-profile and also my addiction to cheap or free. But now jesus. Adidas Nike UnderArmour Saucony Brooks. 

I shaved around my belly button and nipples. I don’t know why. It’s something only first world people do, but I did it. Not much hair there. But it coils and queues. I feel faster younger cleaner sharper slimmer without it. 

Even though the sweet potato peanut butter muffins weren’t done, I had to leave, so I just turned the oven off and let them ride. Ellie and I dipped our fingers in the batter.

I keep thinking about mom but it’s all under the surface beneath words so there’s nothing to say but I can feel it like you can feel the heat in the morning even though it’s cool out and the sun isn’t up yet, you can still tell it’s going to be hot as hell. 

I’m getting closer to something. If a shrink or a priest or a psychedelic substance asked me how I’m doing, that’s what I’d say. I don’t know what I’m getting closer to, but I’m getting closer. I can feel it. I’m getting closer to in sync. But I don’t have a job or an income or a singular passion, all of these things that we’re supposed to have, that I’m supposed to have, but I feel close to myself and close to Kate and close to the baby and I feel like I’m moving with speed in the right direction. 

Frozen HomeRun pizza over greens for dinner, per Ben Greenfield’s suggestion to have leafy greens with every meal. Kate thinks Ben is conceited, arrogant, and cocky. I say he is, but he’s also very knowledgeable. 

New workout: squat and hold for 30 seconds, hang from a doorframe for 30 seconds, bear crawl for 30 seconds, handstand for 30 seconds. This is a two minute regiment from the Ben Greenfield podcast. I’m going to try it. I still need to google what bear crawl means exactly. Does that just mean crawl?

Seeing my grandparents and cousins and aunts and uncles, I learned so much this weekend. Learned is such an academic exam pop quiz word. Maybe I should restate. rediscovered or felt so so so much. And again it’s beneath or above words. I think we’ll visit in a year or less. Kate agreed. 

Michael Pollan has a new book on psychedelics. Or at least he was on a podcast with Tim Ferris. Fascinating stuff. 

A word about The Alt Dad Diary. This is what it is. My grandpa asked me whether my writing is happy or sad. He sad people prefer happy, you know that, right? He said offer people wilted flowers or a bouquet of fresh-smelling roses, which will they take? Obviously they’ll leave the foul and take the fresh. He said it’s the same with writing. I don’t know what this means for The Alt Dad Diary. I don’t have an answer for why or what this is or where it’s going. I tried a few months ago when my friend Bradley, the artist who wore blue for a year, kept asking me about it. But now I’ve sort of given up on marketing and media and advertising and goals and direction and the space and air and wiggle room feels freeing, you know?