Whew. I earned today.
I think earning a day qualifies as a psychedelic experience. The last mile on this afternoons 8 mile run at 8 minute pace. I was running down this straight straight straight stretch of sidewalk. While listening to Joe Rogan talk with Dennis McKenna about how psychedelics experiences can’t be dismissed as any less real than quote ordinary reality. And I thought yes this could be a dream or a computer simulation. For sure. Run run run. And then I thought about my clingy-ness to money and the inner turmoil I have about getting a job that fits me and the judgment I have in my mind for lazy fucks who are sitting on the bus bench and say hey man you got change and I’m running sweating and I was up at 4:01AM, and I was toes in Lake H at 4:55AM and at work making biscuits at 7am and he’s asking because he’s outside a liquor store which is next to a tobacco place. Yeah I’m programmed like a character in a video game.
The lake this morning erases all thought and stress that builds up during days of work. Yeah I admit even this easy going coffee shop job adds a degree of stress obligation performance anxiety. The lake takes that. You know what I noticed this morning that I’ve been noticing other mornings but not labeling?
The lake is round. Like while swimming and breathing to the side, the horizon bends. Is it the watery film on my goggles or is it the horizon level perspective? You feel the earths curvature. You know?
I have so much more to say but I worry about short attention spans and pleasing.
The lake is good medicine. I’m unsure why. I listened to a podcast about how the sounds of didgeridoo and massage are good healing medicine. And I think he lake is good in this way. It’s simple and I’m choosing it and it’s hard. I think it’s a different outcome when you choose something 200% because you want to. No one is making you. No one is making me wake up at 4:01 AM. That’s the test.
I’m applying for a job to protect the Mississippi River and I hope they don’t look down on me for whatever reason. I hope I get the job because I would do a good job, a damn good job. It takes a lot to be able to say that. I can’t say fore sure but I’d also probably enjoy it job and if that’s the case, if I enjoy it, holy shit: I’m unstoppable waking up at 4:01AM.
Met the old man this AM. So genetics plays apart. It’s funny too that were banned by ordinance from swimming around be lake. You must stay within the perimeter of the swimming zone buoys. It’s a decent metaphor for life, jobs, careers, and expectations, plant medicine.
They’ll ban you from what’s good for you.
I hope you’re well. I’ve cleaned the tub and toilet like Kate asked and I’ve made the sugar free cashew ice cream that I’ve been telling her I’d make and it’s in the freezer and I returned the Carhartt pants that are too stiff from Amazon and now it’s time for a nap.