Right knee tweaked. Popping in and out of place. Not good two days before half marathon. Get a knee brace or let movement blood flow heal?

Got Ezekiel cereal at Cub Foods. And organic steel cut oats. Then Aldi at 9. Lots of stuff. Notable? Pumpkin seeds. Watermelon.

Kate is working with her dad today. I did Tuesday.

Swam Harriet at sunset last night. Convinced tired old man. Breakthrough swim. Wetsuit makes all the difference. Swam right thru sunset and dusk. That lake is alive is the simplest way to put it.

I thought about my job predicament: summer landscaping job or write. And I thought what a joke because it doesn’t matter. But then I corrected myself. A joke is really only a joke if it’s intended to be laughed at. It’s not clear the universe has any comical intention. So it doesn’t make sense to say questions or existential meh are a joke. They just are. Maybe it’s absurd how seriously we take our lives. And maybe that could be laughed at. But I don’t find that super funny. And if I do,the humor weighs in favor of not landscaping.


I wonder what Drake means by this:

Bad things

It's a lot of bad things

That they wishin' and wishin' and wishin' and wishin'

They wishin' on me

Yeah, yeah

My little nephew played this song for me this past weekend. It’s dope. I mean musical high brow bummshit aside. It’s good.

Baby is sleeping on my chest. Kate said to try to drop her in the crib and tip toe away but that’s a risky maneuver. Spaghetti sauce is simmering on stove. Spaghetti squash is arm and arm with the apple pie. In the oven. There’s the timer. The hard boiled eggs have been hard boiled and are in the batting cage. Soon to be submerged in Sicilian style sauce.

I had decaf coffee with coconut milk for 6pm dessert last night and it was phenomenal. 6pm because time Restricted Eating begins at 6. Aye. Discipline. Speaking of, I did yoga for 20 minutes this morning and my back was right tight right after moving and stress and sickness. Gotta get back to stretching. And single leg squats for these knees.

I’m realizing very slowly. Painfully too, like a child born in slow motion. Life is whatever you want it to be. Terence McKenna says we become what we behold. Said differently: you are whatever you think about. I’m realizing this slowly. It’s thick beef jerky to chew on.

Before I left my friend Bradley said I need to love The Alt Dad Diary more. I nodded because I was hot and tired from packing boxes all day. But really I was like bitch don’t tell me who or what I need to love more. Kate says I shouldn’t ever say bitch because not only does it sound terrible but Ellie is a verbal sponge. I agree but maintain a different position, namely that vocabulary is a tool and as long as I use an expansive tool kit, she’ll be okay. Anyway Bradley was like you got to really really love The Alt Dad, man. Like talk to it.  Nurture it. Tell it you believe in it.

This morning I poured my coffee but did I pour my love?

Okay. Touché. I’m pouring now.

My aunt from New York has taken over my grandma’s estate. Families can turn sour when the matriarch is dying and the kids have to work together to divide assets and pay bills and make decisions. It’s funny how you get older and fatter and your telomeres shorten but basic life lessons still elude you. Even though you have a Roth IRA and all that shit.

Speaking of, I think we’re going to start a Roth IRA for the baby. But first I need to Google what a Roth IRA is.

11:21. Air conditioning pumping because construction clawing up street outside. God bless. I don’t believe in Him either. What I mean is here you go, give me your cup, I’m pouring my good thoughts into it. Leaving the darker half of me on the shelf.